I went to the shop on my bicycle and bought a bottle of whiskey. As I set off home I thought, "If I fall off my bike, the bottle of whisky will break. I'd better drink it now." Lucky I did, because I fell off seven times on the way home.
Alcohol/Drugs Stallion 🥈 🥉 (440) · 02-02-2026 1541I do an evening of stand up comedy and jokes for the patients at our local Hospice every six weeks. It always goes down very well. The good news is that I never need to change my act.
Death Squeaky 🥈 🥉 (218) · 05-02-2026 1121I went into an Ethiopian gift shop, "Have you got an I am four birthday card please?" I asked. "Sorry, " said the shopkeeper, "we've never needed them. "
Dark Kimjongreject (211) · 06-02-2026 1536Q: How do you stop a paki from choking? A: No one knows because no one has ever tried.
Pakistani supergalley 🥇 🥇 🥇 (613) · 05-02-2026 2124"Who's a pretty boy then,?" I said, as I pushed a dry cracker through the bars of the cage. "I want my mummy," he sobbed.
Pedophile Stallion 🥈 🥉 (440) · 05-02-2026 1339I said, "The second best way to have sex with a woman is to be funny." "What's the first?," she asked. "A knife," I replied. "Haha," she laughed, "you're funny." "Good choice,"I said.
Sex n Shit Stallion 🥈 🥉 (440) · 03-02-2026 1450I bought a jack in the box for 50p. But it doesn't work. Why am I not surprised.
Wordplay Allobosca 🥉 (49) · 07-02-2026 2141I couldn't understand why it was taking me longer to wash my face. Then I realised I was going bald.
Dumb/Thick Squeaky 🥈 🥉 (218) · 06-02-2026 1125I went for a walk through the park and I kept on hearing, ' Mark ', ' Mark,Mark '. Five minutes later I found a dog with a hare lip tied to a lamppost.
General Squeaky 🥈 🥉 (218) · 07-02-2026 1122Annoy taxi drivers by ordering a taxi from a busy pub in the name of Spartacus.
Adult garry6291 (181) · 06-02-2026 2101I left a note on my neighbour's car last night asking him to stop parking outside my house. I couldn't find a pen so I used my car keys.
garry6291 (181) · 05-02-2026 1123Keir Starmer is as much use as a woodpecker with a rubber beak.
Political Squeaky 🥈 🥉 (218) · 04-02-2026 1102I was an accountant from the age of twenty to the age of thirty before I was sacked for no apparent reason. What a waste of fourteen years.
Adult garry6291 (181) · 03-02-2026 1756The wife's just thrown 5 cricket balls at me. I said one more and it's over.
Sports Allobosca 🥉 (49) · 03-02-2026 1309I asked an American cop how many people he had shot? "None," he replied, "only niggers."
Racist Stallion 🥈 🥉 (440) · 02-02-2026 1909I have always been terrified of giants. After being seen and assessed by a clinical psychologist,I was diagnosed as suffering from Fefifobia.
Disease/Illness Squeaky 🥈 🥉 (218) · 02-02-2026 1036I envy left wing people. I have to spend £50 on drugs or alcohol to act retarded. They don't have to pay a penny.
Political supergalley 🥇 🥇 🥇 (613) · 07-02-2026 2251I'm gobsmacked by the latest release of the Epstein files. Wow, wasn't Sarah Ferguson lucky that Jeffrey didn't reciprocate her invitation to marry her. Otherwise, she would have been married to a great nonce.
Celebrities supergalley 🥇 🥇 🥇 (613) · 07-02-2026 0603When it comes to oral sex women are so much luckier than men. They can suck a dick and still doomscroll on their phones.
Sexist ianwatkins 🥈 (540) · 05-02-2026 0121What was the man in the iron mask's favourite food? Walled-off salad.
Wordplay Allobosca 🥉 (49) · 04-02-2026 2146Hello Mr Seaman. Good morning Mrs Windass, I see you are here with Mrs Belcher. Is Mr Woodcock okay? I'm afraid he woke up rather stiff this morning, so I have asked Miss Hooker to look after him. I was chatting to Mr Dickins earlier and he said that he and Miss Hooker regularly meet up. Well she is usually with Mr Cox. Do you happen to know if Mr Cummings is coming? I'll just check with Mrs Adcock. And do you know what time the Deed Poll Dodgers Society meeting starts please?
Wordplay Gungho_ED (62) · 04-02-2026 1737My girlfriend is 18 and quite a bit younger than me. When we went to the pub last night everyone started calling me nonce and paedo. It was quite upsetting and completely spoiled our tenth anniversary.
Pedophile Squeaky 🥈 🥉 (218) · 03-02-2026 1104I've just seen the 3 sports presenters for the upcoming Winter Olympics. Could the BBC have picked an uglier trio than these three and why has the BBC stopped using male commentators. WOK gone made I guess.
BBC keith105 (3) · 02-02-2026 1143Dear sir/Madam, I know police seem to look younger as we age, but the copper who came to arrest the paedophile next door looked so young the peado got excited about it. Prince Andrew. Epstien Island.
Pedophile Kimjongreject (211) · 08-02-2026 1319As she lay there dead on the floor with blood still seeping from the wound the copper said to me, "OK, in your own words, tell me what happened. " "I don't know, it was an accident, I was cleaning it and it went off, "I answered. "IT'S A FUCKING BOW AND ARROW! " he yelled back at me.
Crime Kimjongreject (211) · 08-02-2026 1317Hey, Luigi! You lika da women witha da juicy lips? Si,I jussa lova da juicy lips. You lika da women witha da bigga da tits? Mamma Mia, they driva me crazy. You lika da women witha da nice,tight ass? Amigo,a tight ass issa beautiful. Luigi,why you fucka my wife?
Sex n Shit Squeaky 🥈 🥉 (218) · 08-02-2026 1133