| 12 |
07-12-2025 16:43 |
As we left the restaurant, she kissed me and said, "We should have dinner again.
|
| 11 |
13-12-2025 06:07 |
The Paki bloke at work showed me his tattoo.
"Isn't that one of those that wa
|
| 10 |
18-01-2026 10:00 |
My wife says and does the nicest things.
Just this morning she said, "I'm tak
|
| 10 |
17-12-2025 12:56 |
My 4 year old daughter came into my bedroom and said, "Daddy, I'm scared. Can I
|
| 9 |
25-01-2026 13:36 |
My mate has OCD, so I bought him a picture of the Leaning Tower of Pisa.
He's
|
| 9 |
06-01-2026 12:12 |
The doctor told me I should take up something that gets me out of the pub.
So
|
| 9 |
22-12-2025 06:45 |
I like my steaks rare.
Tonight I'm having panda.
|
| 9 |
08-12-2025 18:46 |
A woman on a dating site sent me a message saying, "Wow, your absolutely gorgeou
|
| 8 |
25-12-2025 14:40 |
I walked into the pub and shouted, "All Muslims are cunts."
A bloke stood up
|
| 8 |
17-12-2025 13:04 |
I went to a meeting of the "I Feel I'm Being Stalked" support group.
I knew e
|
| 8 |
08-12-2025 19:17 |
Did you know that white people own more dogs than black people.
That's becaus
|
| 8 |
04-12-2025 21:05 |
I phoned the Child Abuse Hotline.
A kid answered, called me a cunt and told m
|
| 7 |
20-01-2026 15:17 |
I told myself I shouldn't drink so much.
However, I'm not going to listen to
|
| 7 |
08-01-2026 15:04 |
This vegan shit has now got out of hand.
They're selling plant based alternat
|
| 7 |
28-12-2025 13:16 |
"Do you think I'm sexy with lingerie on or completely naked?," asked my wife.
|
| 7 |
19-12-2025 09:03 |
I used to have a nice house and a nice car until my mate introduced me to drugs.
|
| 7 |
18-12-2025 09:54 |
I was doing some home renovations and, when I knocked through my bedroom wall,
|
| 7 |
12-12-2025 10:32 |
I bought a gun because I have a fear of eagles.
"You're getting carried away,
|
| 6 |
25-01-2026 19:23 |
I said to my mate, "Did you know that hamsters die after sex?"
"I don't think
|
| 6 |
25-01-2026 09:53 |
When my wife saw my face, after all this time, she burst into tears.
It was t
|
| 6 |
24-01-2026 22:03 |
I bought a alcoholic ginger beer.
He wasn't happy.
|
| 6 |
18-01-2026 16:18 |
Using only a .22 pistol I survived a grizzly bear attack.
My friend, who I sh
|
| 6 |
15-01-2026 17:20 |
There's two reasons I won't give money to beggars.
1. They'll use it to buy a
|
| 6 |
12-01-2026 20:37 |
My daughter's kitten died, so I got her another one.
Now she's got two dead
|
| 6 |
10-01-2026 14:59 |
Ten years ago I swore I'd never drink at work again.
Haven't touched a job si
|
| 6 |
09-01-2026 17:59 |
At her front door she kissed me and whispered in my ear, "Would you like to stay
|
| 6 |
08-01-2026 19:47 |
I don't believe that elephants are being poached in Africa.
Those niggers don
|
| 6 |
07-01-2026 06:02 |
I've found something that totally eliminates the urge to smoke cigarettes.
He
|
| 6 |
30-12-2025 16:41 |
I realise now that I should have told my three kids not to play with matches.
|
| 6 |
21-12-2025 16:21 |
I'm conducting scientific research regarding men having sex with dogs.
If any
|
| 6 |
17-12-2025 14:02 |
I went for a walk with a beautiful woman.
Then she noticed me.
So, we went f
|
| 5 |
23-01-2026 07:17 |
For the next month I'll be wearing pink to raise awareness for people who don't
|
| 5 |
16-01-2026 13:16 |
I was at the checkout, with two fully laden trollies, when I noticed an old lady
|
| 5 |
14-01-2026 10:29 |
I said to my wife, "Sometimes I feel really high and then I feel really low."
|
| 5 |
12-01-2026 20:10 |
I like to smile at Pakistani men and then wink.
It's great being an army snip
|
| 5 |
10-01-2026 15:10 |
I just had a threesome. It was right down and dirty. The two girls ages added to
|
| 5 |
06-01-2026 12:22 |
I was driving to work when a Lollipop lady cleaned the snow off my windscreen.
|
| 5 |
01-01-2026 10:48 |
If I knew I was going to be this thirsty today, I would've drunk more last night
|
| 5 |
23-12-2025 15:36 |
I was hitchhiking and decided to show a little leg to passing vehicles.
It wa
|
| 5 |
11-12-2025 15:47 |
I was at a work Christmas party until after midnight.
When I got to the botto
|
| 5 |
10-12-2025 16:15 |
"What's the problem?," asked the doc.
"The entrance to my arse is sore," I sa
|
| 5 |
10-12-2025 10:50 |
The lady who was interviewing me for a job said, "I've got three openings."
"
|
| 5 |
09-12-2025 19:08 |
The cops have just left.
They said if I want to walk around my house naked, I
|
| 5 |
09-12-2025 09:42 |
I often read a joke and think, "What a cunt. That's not funny."
Then I press
|
| 4 |
22-01-2026 19:12 |
I can feel the hamster crawling down towards my anus.
Imagine his surprise wh
|
| 4 |
19-01-2026 17:54 |
The lady who was interviewing me for a job said, "I've got three openings."
"
|
| 4 |
19-01-2026 17:47 |
Girlfriend: "Hold me, wrap your arms around me and never let me go."
Wife: "Y
|
| 4 |
09-01-2026 19:52 |
At my funeral everyone will be given a taser.
Last one standing inherits ever
|
| 4 |
03-01-2026 10:10 |
I came home to find my wife on her hands and knees.
"What's wrong?," I asked.
|
| 4 |
02-01-2026 21:28 |
I drink my coffee like an American cop.
Black with a couple of shots in it.
|
| 4 |
19-12-2025 12:44 |
True story.
I came back to the UK after spending 30 years in Southern Africa (Z
|
| 4 |
13-12-2025 17:37 |
I was in the park and saw a lonely little boy sitting on a swing, so I went over
|
| 4 |
11-12-2025 17:18 |
My Muslim son is really clever at school.
He's now in the same year as my wif
|
| 4 |
06-12-2025 19:37 |
My girlfriend found out that I'm an organ trafficker.
"How can you do that?,"
|
| 4 |
06-12-2025 19:30 |
My son has the same colour eyes as my wife.
Neither of them have learnt to du
|
| 4 |
03-12-2025 14:57 |
I went to see my wife in hospital and took her flowers.
My girlfriend will lo
|
| 3 |
26-01-2026 23:19 |
She had a gorgeous body and a pretty face but I knew we wouldn't be together lon
|
| 3 |
15-12-2025 06:45 |
My mate phoned me and asked what I was doing.
"Probably failing my driving te
|
| 2 |
02-12-2025 20:22 |
A reporter asked a bomb disposal expert, "How stressful is your job?"
"It's n
|
| 2 |
01-12-2025 22:35 |
"How bad is it doc?," I asked.
"Well," he replied, "all you have to do is sto
|
| 1 |
18-01-2026 16:18 |
Using only a .22 pistol I survived a grizzly bear attack.
My friend, who I sh
|
| 1 |
07-12-2025 12:53 |
If your wife's mother just died, how long should you console her for?
It's ju
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