The wife's just thrown 5 cricket balls at me. I said one more and it's over.

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Did you know that Raheem Sterling and Marcus Rashford both had the same nickname at school? Nigger.

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Port Vale's pitch was that bad today, they beat Sunderland 1-0 on aggregate

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A chap said..." Do you want the winner of the Grand National "? I said "No thanks,I've only got a small garden "!

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Little Jimmy who was wheelchair bound fell out when he tried to get over a kerb. Just to his left he saw a lamp on the floor so of course he rubs it, and yes, out pops a genie. "OK, son, " said the genie, "you know the drill you get three wishes." "Wow said Jimmy, I wish I could walk. " Poof, Jimmy can walk. "I wish I played for a famous football club. " Poof.. Jimmy was grown up and in the dressing room at Anfeild where Arne Slot was giving a team talk. "Fucks sake, " said Jimmy, "I wish I was back in my wheelchair. "

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Just got myself a second hand diver's watch. I'd have had the drowned cunt's scuba tanks too if they weren't so heavy.

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Cheltenham races, a commentator said a horse has come in his coat...big deal..I've done that loadsa times..

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Wolves have got less points than a triangle

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Maccabi Tel Aviv have announced that they have signed Tommy Robinson. He'll be on the right wing and has promised loads of crosses

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How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in the pan? You take away its broom.

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Not long til Oscar Pistoreus will be returning to the Paralympics. Did anyone see how Reeva Steenkamp did in the Paranormalympics this year?

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The wife's just thrown 5 cricket balls at me. I said one more and it's over.

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