' Why does everyone think that Chinese people look the same,father? ' said the small Chinese boy. ' I don't know, ' replied the man, ' and by the way,I am not your father. '

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I walked into the pub and shouted, "All Muslims are cunts." A bloke stood up and said, "I'm offended by that." "Are you a Muslim,?" I asked. "No," he replied, "I'm a cunt."

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Did you know that white people own more dogs than black people. That's because it's illegal to own black people now.

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There is one thing that white men and black men do have in common. They don't like bringing up black kids.

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I will never forgive my sister for marrying a black man. Every time we have a family photograph he sticks out like a turd in a fruit bowl.

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China to re-educate Muslim men. "First well teach them how to use soap and water, then we'll set about this shit they believe in, " a government spokesman commented.

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How do you starve a black person? Put their food stamp card under their workboots!

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I just found out that Sir Anthony Hopkins is Welsh. It certainly explains why he wanted those lambs to keep quiet.

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I drink my coffee like an American cop. Black with a couple of shots in it.

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I often think of my grandfather and his tragic death in Auschwitz. He slipped and fell of a guard tower and broke his neck.

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True story. I came back to the UK after spending 30 years in Southern Africa (Zimbabwe, Namibia and SA) My wife looked out the window at the weather today and said, "Bloody hell, it's looking black out there." "Nothing's changed then." I replied.

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My Muslim son is really clever at school. He's now in the same year as my wife.

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When I was growing up, there was the Waterboard and the Gas Board. Ideal names for new departments in Immigration

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I was at the currency exchange today waiting in line. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady, who was trying to exchange yen for sterling. It was obvious she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat poun of yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?" The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations." The Asian lady relied, "Fluc you white people too!"

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Just donated £20 to buy some mosquito nets for Africa. It's not fair on on them when they keep catching Aids off all the niggers

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Who says modern technology can't exist along with religious traditions... My new 3D printer has made me a perfect Voodoo doll of Axel Rudakubana. Just waiting for it to finish making the eye gougers and I'll give it a try.

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Electrical fires are like Jews, best extinguished with gas.

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I love this time of year,I turn on all my taps,put the washer and dish washer on with nothing in them,run the bath and shower with no plug in,have my hose running into the drain then I wait till the wateraid charity advert comes on so I can piss myself laughing at the dehydrated niggers.

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People are like sharks. The great ones are white

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St. Peter's standing at the Pearly Gates, and he spies a little brown face coming up the escalator. A little Pakistani wanders up to him and says 'Good Morning please, be wanting to come into heaven thankyou' 'Look mate', says St. Peter 'It doesn't work that way, you're a muslim, aren't you' 'Yes, being a good muslim thankyou' 'No mate, look I'm sorry. You just can't come in, you're off down there' 'I am GOOD muslim. Wanting to be coming in please' 'You can't be a good muslim, how?' 'But AM GOOD muslim. I am even giving things to charity all the time' St. Peter sighs. 'Like what?' The Pakistani stands up proudly. 'Only last week, I am giving twenty pounds to the children in need' St. Peter considers this for a second and finally resigns himself to the fact that this chap deserves a bit of his time. 'Right, fine, okay" he sighs, "You win. I'll go and have a word with God, wait here' So off he trots wearily through the Pearly Gates, and returns a couple of hours later. He walks back up to the Pakistani and says 'Right, I've had a chat with God about you and it's all sorted.' 'Here's your twenty quid back, now Fuck Off'.

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Why can’t you play Uno with Mexicans?
 They steal all the green cards.

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