My son asked me if he was adopted. "Of course not," I replied, "I wouldn't have chosen a useless little cunt like you."
Dark Stallion 🥉 (600) · 11-03-2026 1620Hamish lived a very frugal life in the Highlands. One day he came home to find his cottage had been burgled. His few possessions had been scattered across the floor but nothing had been stolen. Hamish noticed that the burglar had taken a shit in the big pot of stew he had made that morning. Hamish was annoyed that he had to throw half of it away.
Crime Squeaky 🥉 (384) · 09-03-2026 1014Add a hilarious twist to a classic practical joke. Fill your Nan's whoopee cushion with gravy!
Silly DdraigGoch (216) · 10-03-2026 2208My bird said she doesn't finger herself when she's on her period. Today I caught her red-handed.
Masturbation supergalley 🥇 🥇 🥇 (855) · 10-03-2026 0427Two men are out walking, they decide to go off in different directions, walking for 5 miles each, then they turn around and walk back again and tell each other about their adventures. They meet up, and the first man hasn't anything to report. The second one says, "I came across a lady tied to a railway track. I untied her and then made wild passionate love with her". "Wow," says the other guy, "did you get a blowjob too?" "No. I couldn't find the head".
Sex n Shit Allobosca 🥈 🥈 (152) · 09-03-2026 2157Was at the dentist today and it took almost an hour for me to be seen. Why is the reception desk so high?
Dad Jokes garry6291 🥉 (257) · 09-03-2026 1828What's the difference between a family reunion and a 69er? In a 69er you only have to kiss one cunt.
Sex n Shit Allobosca 🥈 🥈 (152) · 09-03-2026 0910I would like to wish a special "Happy Women's Day" to Siri and Alexa, the only women who listen to me.
In The News shotgunpsycho (69) · 08-03-2026 1957Why doesn't Michael Barrymore have any ashtrays? Because he puts his fags out in the pool
Celebrities Allobosca 🥈 🥈 (152) · 07-03-2026 0843What's better than winning gold at the Paralympics? Not being disabled in the first place.
Disability Allobosca 🥈 🥈 (152) · 12-03-2026 2245How do you get an Iranian girl pregnant? Cum on her shoes and let the flies do the rest.
Racist Allobosca 🥈 🥈 (152) · 11-03-2026 1817I'll never forget when I came home early one day to find my parents having sex. It was the worst twenty minutes of my life.
Sex n Shit Squeaky 🥉 (384) · 11-03-2026 10296 people dead in a bus fire in Switzerland. Makes a change from being buried in an avalanche I guess.
Death ianwatkins 🥈 (614) · 10-03-2026 23426 people dead in bus fire in Switzerland. This would have been sad if 41 people hadn't died in a bar fire in Switzerland on New Year's Eve. Now it just seems like Switzerland is a really shit place to visit.
Death ianwatkins 🥈 (614) · 10-03-2026 2341What is the similarity between a woman and a KFC mega bucket? You start on the leg, move on to the breast and at the end of the evening you've got a greasy box to put your bone in!
Sex n Shit Allobosca 🥈 🥈 (152) · 10-03-2026 1843I bought a large quantity of whoopee cushions at a very cheap price. I decided to sell them in Ethiopia but it was a complete disaster. Most of the people weren't heavy enough to activate them.
Racist Squeaky 🥉 (384) · 10-03-2026 1026A baby shark asks his dad, "Why do we swim around people and show them our fin before eating them?" "They taste better if you scare the shit out of them first."
Animals Stallion 🥉 (600) · 10-03-2026 0944A hotel in Dubai has received a One star rating, due to its faulty air defence system.
In The News supergalley 🥇 🥇 🥇 (855) · 10-03-2026 0434Port Vale's pitch was that bad today, they beat Sunderland 1-0 on aggregate
Sports Gungho_ED (89) · 08-03-2026 2104I woke up with a vicious hangover this morning. I can't understand it. I only had 5 pints last night. That's the last time I'm drinking whisky.
Alcohol/Drugs Stallion 🥉 (600) · 08-03-2026 1741Many people are unaware that Jimmy Savile was an accomplished musician. He started fiddling at an early age.
Pedophile Squeaky 🥉 (384) · 08-03-2026 1014I saw a man break the World Record for holding your breath underwater in our local swimming pool yesterday. He was at the deep end when a little girl at the shallow end shouted, ' that's him Dad. '
Pedophile Squeaky 🥉 (384) · 07-03-2026 1002Evel Knievel's deep south cousin is attempting to emulate his achievements and set a new world record. Ku Klux Knievel will be attempting to jump over 30 niggers using a steamroller.
Racist DdraigGoch (216) · 07-03-2026 0018Did you know that Kerry Katona doesn’t actually own a cat.
Animals garry6291 🥉 (257) · 13-03-2026 1549My wife likes to talk during sex. Last week she phoned me from the back of a car.
Sex n Shit Squeaky 🥉 (384) · 12-03-2026 1004Cheltenham races, a commentator said a horse has come in his coat...big deal..I've done that loadsa times..
Sports Jimfixeditforme (72) · 11-03-2026 1357At least six dead in Switzerland bus fire, or to put it another way: Bad News: Bus fire in Switzerland Good News: At least 6 of them are dead
Death ianwatkins 🥈 (614) · 10-03-2026 2344How do you make a woman scream twice? Fuck her up the arse, then wipe your cock on the curtains.
Sex n Shit Allobosca 🥈 🥈 (152) · 13-03-2026 1922I watched the Wales rugby team play on the weekend. Depressing, got steaming. Ended up in a nightclub car park snogging a gilf at stupid o'clock. I said to her "Kinky bitch, passing me your chewing gum with your tongue!" She replied "Sorry about that babes, I have catarrh!"
General DdraigGoch (216) · 09-03-2026 1102If your bidet isn't working don't worry! Just turn the shower on and do a handstand.
Silly Squeaky 🥉 (384) · 13-03-2026 1131